Time-outs and a cup of tea

My poor neglected blog. I have to admit, I’m a drop-out, sad as it sounds.

But I have a little story to tell.

I headed off for holidays at the beginning of October, full of good intentions to come back loaded with ideas and motivated to continue the course I’ve been doing.

However, life often trips one up, and I ended up with a huge pile of work, including working weekends and lots of time away from my family, both physically and mentally. The computer was on, but I ignored everything but the work at hand. I was feeling weak and so turned the flame way down. But I was ready to jump back into things at the next possible chance.

Then I had a short visit when Death knocked gently at our family’s door, asking for a chat and a cup of tea. I was reminded that D was in the neighborhood and just checking up on people. D  told me about Cancer, who sometimes got over active and took people like my mother-in-law away while friends and acquaintences weren’t looking. D subtly me that sudden and unexpected things do happen while loved-ones are far away. D told me to take some time out and enjoy my family. Then D thanked me for the tea, got up, and left with a wink, much like one I would associate with Santa Claus.

So instead of hanging around on the internet, I’ve been folowing D’s advice and taking time off for my family, if only to watch a show on TV on the couch next to my son instead of sitting at the table with my laptop and maybe half an eye for the show. I’ve been rolling dice with my youngest and counting up points instead of writing on my blog. I’ve been skyping with my boy in the US instead of reacting to the latest posts here and there.

And now that things are slowing down in my job and I feel like I’ve reconnected to my family; now that hopefully the worst is over in the cancer therapy of a further loved-one, it’s time to reconnect with another part of the world in cyber-space. This has become part of my life as well and I don’t want to give up the connections and friends I’ve made there. The trick is to find a balance – something I’m not too good at – and juggle it all together.

Here’s hoping for the best, and a long wait for the next unexpected knock at the door.


7 Responses

  1. It’s always lovely to read your posts, but I am glad that you took time to do other more important things. We all need to take time to do that.

  2. Dear Illya,

    I am so sorry to hear about your last months experiences, but I am at the same time happy you are finding that balance. I think we all need it. I am looking for mine also – all the time – trying to have a more off-line presence. Part of the weekend is now reserved to that and I am not giving it up.
    D. is cruel and always painful – especially for thought you stay behind. Your story also reminds me of a book by Saramago: Death with Interruptions
    Reading is another pleasure I am trying to bring back into my routine. I started Nachtzug Nach Lissabon again!
    I am gald to know you are well.

  3. Nancy, thanks for your comments. I love being online, so it really is hard to turn my back on what’s going on in cyberspace.

    Cris, Enjoy your book, and let me know what you think of it. I’ll go look for Death with Interruptions. It sounds interesting. And enjoy the people close to you. You never know what the future will bring.

  4. Dear Illya,

    Sorry to hear about your loss, and glad you came back too!
    Reminding me of the days I have gone through lately, I am reading your words with my eyes full of tears.
    Yes, I agree with you that “ the trick is to find a balance”. It is a challenge in our case; being so involved with the cyberspace family adds to the burden of staying connected with your down- world one, your friends, neighbors , colleagues etc. I have struggled a lot to come back to my online life. I believe it is our destiny, because if it doesn’t matter, we can just quit. I couldn’t. I feel an essential part of me owe to the community I built throughout the years. It’s the webheads community that “ taught” me, in a sense of informal learning if it my be correctly stated, but it’s the webheads who planted inside my character the sense of commitment, belonging and the art of sharing and caring, which I totally miss in some of the f2f surrounding in my country. Can I run from online life? I did try once. I couldn’t’. I felt a sense of guilt. As if I was being watched by “ eyes”.. Those sad eyes who call me to join in and not leave the community.

    Mr. D? I made a good relationship with him. I do my prayers every day. I try to help and spread happiness amongst the people around me, whether family or friends. Sometimes I stop and look back and ahead at the same time. Who will miss me if Mr D. succeeded to grab me with him in one of his visits, and he will do one day for sure. I do my best to work harder even though I get too tired, to plant more seeds for the family, to leave good memories after me. I then go online to document some happy events for my kids to remember me with. I even wrote my password to my elder daughter, 16 now, in case of my leaning with Mr. D. I told her to go to the evoline folder and send a reply message wit the subject line” My mom has passed away”.
    Bottom line? I think of Mr. D every day, but this keeps me hanging on and working hard to keep a balance ( believe it or not) It’s life after all.
    Illya, enjoy every bit of it!
    Tight hugs from cool Khartoum!


    • Dear Hala
      I only just found your reply here, so I am very sorry that I couldn’t answer sooner. SO much of what you wrote moved me. Yes, I too find myself obliged to fill the space I have created and to keep in touch.
      There is so much caring in the group of webheads and I am so grateful to those who enquired why I was so absent and so gently drew me back in.

      Thank you so much for your kind words. It means a lot to have people whom you know care. It is hard to explain to those who have not experienced such groups as the Webheads, but I certainly see these people as much more than just ‘virtual’.

      Big warm hugs from cold Switzerland!

  5. Illya…the virtual world gives you the impression you are invincible, immortal and starts consuming more and more of your lifetime. D. reminds you still have a real life and that people you cherish and are just there will eventually disappear forever.

    Thanks for the lovely X-mas card – just got back from a whole week with the family in the countryside, where I was totally disconnected from cyberspace. It did not hurt me at all – on the contrary – made me regain that balance that comes with contact with nature and your loved ones.
    May 2009 bring you peace, love, understanding and everything you may wish for.

  6. Bee, I hope you started the new year refreshed and ready for new challenges. You are so right in your observations of life and balance.
    May our paths continue to cross as we take our paths on the edge of reality and virtuality 🙂


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